Friday, November 13, 2009
Spork silently bows his head in reverence.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
I am hoping to add to that list.
To date I have concocted:
- La Camera de la Rata - a junky, broken laptop hooked up to an outdated web cam pointed at a rat trap in the attic. The drivers were not available except on some South American warez site -- and only in Spanish. Quieres reiniciar? Si / No. No photos of anything but the tremors caused by the AC kicking on and off.
- The Spörd - inspired by a Swedish friend. The Swedish Pool of Rat Destruction. A rolling platform baited with peanut butter and suspended over a drowning pool of deadly antifreeze. Utter. And. Complete. Failure.
- The Mole Funnel - aka Project Fudd. A lame attempt to force the mole to go through the damn trap instead of going around it. This made me fall into daily affirmations: I am smarter than a rodent. I am smarter than a rodent.
- And now I hear the words in my head again... "Wile. E. Coyote: Super Genius." Yes, in a burst of glory, I will now catch that last damn mouse in the shop with.... "Mickey's Bar and Grill." Pure genius, this is. The first four mice were just average every day Joe's. Hard working fellas that just wanted to come home to some peace and quiet. They fell to the normal mouse trap like man lured by pork products. But the last guy... the last guy is smart. Very smart. Two days have passed. And each day he licks the peanut butter off 6 traps like they were mere mice cream cones full of butter pecan. Oh but I will get you Smarty Mouse. I will get you.
I have cleverly taken all 6 traps... and grouped them around one ice cold glass of beer. (I almost cannot type this without giggling... the smile frozen on my face... he will be mine.) Smarty Mouse will either get drunk and drown in his own beer... or stumble off to the missus and weave into one of my traps when his senses are dulled by the demon alchohol. I am unsure about the sex and the sexual orientation of Smarty Mouse. I considered placing a gaudy sign above the beer: "Live nude rodents" -- complete with lifelike animatronic silicone implanted female mice. My one worry here was that this might actually be some sort of overzealous feminist mouse. My lure might actually anger her, causing mouse protests in my shop -- maybe even little mousitov cocktails. No, this was too serious to submit it to this kind of risk. It must just be a friendly little place. A place where every rodent knows your name.
[ updates in the comments section ... ]