tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79344719465633475372024-02-19T20:18:21.167-06:00Spork In The EyeQuitters BlogSpork In the Eyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05926832985660342541noreply@blogger.comBlogger283125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7934471946563347537.post-36373591011041804662016-11-09T18:12:00.001-06:002016-11-09T19:36:40.915-06:00Lessons from the middle part Vor...
What the Democrats should learn from the election of Donald Trump
or...
How to Win -- not just the next election, but Every Election!
Another lesson from the middle...
This lesson is for the Democrats. You Republicans can go have a beer. Or if you're a Baptist Republican you can go have a nice glass of "sweet tea"*.
You're sitting there all sad. You're thinking "How Spork In the Eyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05926832985660342541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7934471946563347537.post-29477682412284907062015-10-27T13:10:00.003-05:002015-10-27T21:12:12.092-05:00Whose report? WHO's report.I am not a scientist. I am not a researcher. I am not a statistician. Hell, as often as I scribble something down, I don't even think I can call myself a blogger. But I would like to attach some numbers to the WHO's recent "Bacon is meaty death" study that seems to be getting press lately.
If you are to read some of the articles about this study you'd be prepared to start injecting Spork In the Eyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05926832985660342541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7934471946563347537.post-29986472666913797312015-05-31T13:16:00.002-05:002015-05-31T18:34:55.265-05:00Just to make it official...
Too many hands on my time
Too many feelings
Too many things on my mind
When I leave I don't know
What I'm hoping to find
When I leave I don't know
What I'm leaving behind...
-Neil Peart, The Analog Kid
In the current Internet climate, it seems nothing is official until it's "Facebook Official."
It is in that spirit that I announce: I'm going to retire. This is now, once again, a Spork In the Eyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05926832985660342541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7934471946563347537.post-18136444641464649312015-04-18T18:18:00.001-05:002015-04-18T22:18:36.058-05:00P&T: the Unreview
Three years since last post? Yeah, I've been.... um.... busy. I know the world weeps for my wisdom.
If you're looking for a review of the travelling Penn & Teller magic show, you're probably in the wrong place. What you're more likely to find here is just me being a big kiss ass toward the dynamic duo. It's not really fair for me to ask if I liked the show. Spork In the Eyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05926832985660342541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7934471946563347537.post-61122874388815214962012-03-01T09:10:00.001-06:002012-03-01T09:10:48.819-06:00That's not a cliff, it's a pothole(In reference to....)
Spork In the Eyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05926832985660342541noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7934471946563347537.post-85762558924976872132012-01-20T11:36:00.000-06:002012-01-20T11:40:52.911-06:00To build a house, part deauxOur exciting (?) story continues. As you may recall from our previous episode, I talked about the what and the why of building a house using real money. Now for the how...
The financial how is straight-forward. I know you think it isn't, but it is. First off, let me give you the caveat that I am not fresh out of school with a degree and an entry level job. On the Spork In the Eyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05926832985660342541noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7934471946563347537.post-41107648510657457122012-01-11T16:33:00.002-06:002012-01-20T11:28:13.011-06:00To build a house...
With much fanfare, I would like to point you to my profile, which has been gleefully updated. Note that it no longer says "in a metal shed" but says "in a real damn house." That's right, we've moved in.
I've mentioned, in not-so-much detail, that we were building a house. And, more importantly that we had the intention of building it using a ridiculous never-done-ever Spork In the Eyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05926832985660342541noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7934471946563347537.post-33653179700778697752011-12-19T21:28:00.000-06:002011-12-19T21:31:20.154-06:00the CathouseWith the building of our new house, I got permission to build a cathouse. I got all excited... until I realized it was actually a house... for cats.
Oddly enough, it's a problem I've been considering for quite some time. Consider the following:
A. Cat poo is the stink of death
B. Dogs love cat poo
C. Dogs are affectionate, kissy animals
QED: I'm about to hurl
Which led me to Spork In the Eyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05926832985660342541noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7934471946563347537.post-36267979447905198162011-12-02T18:54:00.001-06:002011-12-02T19:15:46.793-06:00Let me tell you a story. There isn't a snarky punchline. There isn't a lesson to be learned. It's just a story.
There was once a computer geek that worked in a big city. His office had a huge plate glass window in it... probably 60 feet long from floor to ceiling. One day while working he noticed a momma cat outside, nursing a tiny kitten. This was not in a Spork In the Eyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05926832985660342541noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7934471946563347537.post-38701858351608596972011-09-23T23:11:00.002-05:002011-09-23T23:12:19.325-05:00Original SinThere are lots of concepts in the Bible that are not just bad ideas -- they're downright WRONG. Morally corrupt. The one that always jumped out at me is Original Sin. It's the idea that your Mom and Dad were essentially evil at the core and that makes YOU evil. And you're going to be punished. The great10000 grandchild of the parent gets punished for the sins of the Spork In the Eyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05926832985660342541noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7934471946563347537.post-58219628100592604242011-09-20T15:28:00.000-05:002011-09-20T15:31:00.636-05:00The BreakupI don't know about you... but this is what I read when I read the recent email from Netflix:
Dear Spork,
I messed up. I owe you an explanation.
It is clear from your feedback over the past two months that you felt I lacked respect and humility in the way I announced my intent to fool around and the crabs I gave you. That was certainly not my intent, and I offer my sincere apology. Spork In the Eyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05926832985660342541noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7934471946563347537.post-19517330261172267042011-07-26T15:09:00.002-05:002011-07-27T10:21:22.222-05:00Lessons from the Middle IV: You're all not getting itMy Chambers Stove project has attracted my attention for much of the last several months... and the world has seemingly gone to hell without my advice. This. Must. End.
As a public service, I offer another "Lesson From the Middle." It appears the Left and Right at the top of the political food chain have all the cerebral processing power of a wooden log -- the left thinking much in Spork In the Eyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05926832985660342541noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7934471946563347537.post-28542678066790123612011-04-28T09:53:00.003-05:002011-04-28T09:59:17.101-05:00MiscellaneousLazy. That's what you call someone that posts one tidbit every quarter. Hello, I am lazy, nice to meet you.
And this post isn't so much a work of art or a spew of vitriol... It's more of an update.
The home front
I mentioned here and here we were trying to build a house. And while the schedule has been oh-so-lax and not-quite-met... I believe it is actually about to begin.&Spork In the Eyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05926832985660342541noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7934471946563347537.post-67359431073419489852010-12-03T19:23:00.001-06:002010-12-21T08:46:37.332-06:00Net Neuter RealityGeeks everywhere clamor for "Net Neutrality". Don't tread on me... or my data. And if the FCC has their way that'll be exactly what happens. My guess: it isn't going to make the geeks happy. It's a nice slogan to rally behind... but the reality is quite different.
The geeky idea here is that the evil ISPs are stepping all over their packets and making life miserable for Spork In the Eyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05926832985660342541noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7934471946563347537.post-63165379801317357822010-11-27T00:09:00.001-06:002013-09-04T08:42:19.395-05:00the ParableI have decided the parable has become a lost literary art. I would like to revive it.
There was once a geeky guy named Zeke. Yes, he was Zeke the Geek. He tended to sometimes be a little shy and sometimes had difficulty talking to and meeting girls. Yet, he was an intelligent, successful guy in his own way. He wasn't overly wealthy, but he did alright.
One day he was sitting at home alone,Spork In the Eyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05926832985660342541noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7934471946563347537.post-54575239103560509422010-10-09T10:30:00.003-05:002010-10-09T10:36:07.423-05:00A little housekeepingThis is just a little bit of an update for those that actually know me. [ I've found the vast majority of my "fans" are drive-bys that are presumably at work, bored to tears and are just clicking "next blog, next blog, next blog, next blog" in an effort to make it to 5 o'clock. ] At the first of the year, in between the spittle-spewing rants, I actually mentioned my goal for the year was to Spork In the Eyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05926832985660342541noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7934471946563347537.post-60930465664483778282010-09-24T13:29:00.005-05:002010-09-24T13:37:30.703-05:00Mark Zuckerberg stole my ideasMark Zuckerberg stole my ideas. He owes me $171 million. Sure, I pulled that number out of my ass, but it'd keep my belly full of pork products for the rest of my days -- so it seems about right.As you'll learn over the next few weeks (after the release of Facebook: The Movie) that Mr. Zuckarski has a reputation for stealing of ideas. And he's surely stolen mine.Think about it. What do you Spork In the Eyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05926832985660342541noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7934471946563347537.post-54068313087596362372010-07-17T15:00:00.001-05:002010-07-17T15:06:39.145-05:00Spastic SurgeryWomen: I'm looking at you. Sure, some of my super human wisdom below applies to some men... but you are clearly the target here. I don't hate plastic surgery per se. I hate what it's become. If my nose were to get ripped clean off in a freak bird watching incident, I'd want it reattached. And I'd pretty much want it to look like it does now. Not that I am Brad Pitt, I have just become accustomed Spork In the Eyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05926832985660342541noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7934471946563347537.post-53544947823484494642010-05-15T17:59:00.003-05:002010-05-15T18:13:29.322-05:00Don't you just love Mexican feud?Everything relates to the wisdom of Rush...1 They say there are strangers who threaten us,In our immigrants and infidels.They say there is strangeness too dangerousIn our theaters and bookstore shelves.Those who know what's best for usMust rise and save us from ourselves.Quick to judge,Quick to anger,Slow to understandIgnorance and prejudiceAnd fear walk hand in hand...There is a disturbing trendSpork In the Eyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05926832985660342541noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7934471946563347537.post-89079492704490247722010-04-14T01:07:00.001-05:002010-04-14T01:10:23.726-05:00A prediction of future paleontolgyThere will be a day, somewhere in the future, where future archaeologists dig up the remnants of our society and try very hard to understand us. I suspect the most confusing thing they will find is the battery operated paper towel dispenser. The following is an excerpt from Future Earth paleontologists: ...and much in the same fashion that 20th century humans failed to understand that spending $Spork In the Eyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05926832985660342541noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7934471946563347537.post-78212126840560785002010-03-16T14:38:00.003-05:002010-03-16T14:40:12.005-05:00Thinking about my recent sleep study is giving me insomniaI've known I had mild sleep apnea for a long time. It really doesn't take a high tech lab experiment. All it requires is a wife. I was paying my own high quality, high deductible insurance for several years and put kept putting off getting it checked. As I recently acquired employer paid insurance, I headed off to the Doc like a fat boy waddling towards my fourth plate of food in an Spork In the Eyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05926832985660342541noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7934471946563347537.post-71807310369674760592010-01-27T09:47:00.001-06:002010-01-27T09:48:26.745-06:00Sometimes further comment is not required.This.Spork In the Eyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05926832985660342541noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7934471946563347537.post-37343663548416587392010-01-24T13:45:00.001-06:002010-01-24T13:48:59.389-06:00FSBO: Senator with low mileageThere seem to be an awful lot of people with a real bug up their ass over the latest Supreme Court decision to ban spending caps on campaign spending by corporations. And, while they have a real right to be angry, it is no surprise that they are mad for entirely the wrong reasons. Please notice the implication: It's okay that our government officials are for sale, the problem is just the price. Spork In the Eyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05926832985660342541noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7934471946563347537.post-13245760111553372282010-01-01T13:13:00.003-06:002010-01-01T13:56:11.976-06:00Resolutions per MinuteAh, the new year. A time for reflection. A time for planning. A time for resolutions. I have never been much of a resolution kind of guy -- resolutions are not easy when you are perfect in every way. But this year is different. This year gets one: I resolve to spend next new year's eve with Ellie May in our very own kitchen.There is a whole lot implied in that statement and if you follow Spork In the Eyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05926832985660342541noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7934471946563347537.post-77579438551113286132009-12-28T18:35:00.002-06:002009-12-28T18:38:40.575-06:00Airline Security Problems SolvedOkay, so one asshole tries to blow up an airplane with a pants bomb... Knee jerk reaction in three-two-one... Ohmygodweneednewrulesnoworwearegoingtodie! The following new rules are now being added during the last hour of flight: no books or personal items no items under the seat in front of you no blankets or items in your laps no bathroom no television or position indicators The Spork In the Eyehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05926832985660342541noreply@blogger.com9