Hewwo. Fiwst a wittle backgwound infowmation...
Ok, so we've been here at the Stump Farm for something like a year and a half. And before that, we owned it for a year or so more. We were at one with nature and all its splendor. Little deer would run and jump and play when they saw us coming. Foxes would come up to us and beg for food (until Ellie Mae hit one with a rock that is.)
And then... Moles.
Now lets define our terms here. We have about 7.5 acres. Lots of room for moles to run and jump and play (with the deer babies) and dig dig dig to their hearts content. We could get along. We could bring them little mole beers and have little mole friends. It would be love. We would be so happy.
All that we would ask is that they stay out of our 30x40 garden and our 30x15 little doggie yard. Not much to ask, I think. They would have about 358,000 square feet to play and dig and we would take our little measely 1650 square feet for garden. Deal.
But they just wont leave it alone. I have brought in a whole bucket of dirt (probably about a half a yard) to fill in the holes (which are so valiantly enlarged by the dogs) and they still keep popping up.
I have read how cute (ugh) and friendly these critters are and how they are not a threat to your garden since they eat bugs, not plants. Now this may be true (about the eating bugs) but they have killed 10% of the garden with their bug and grub eating. It is time for them to meet their moley maker.
The wascally cwitter must die.
We have tried a lot of things... the standard mole trap is a mole skewer that does little but taunt me. I keep putting them in the main runs (as I am told) and they keep not setting them off. I even had them pile a big old dirt mound up on top of the damn mole trap.
Someone suggested putting Juicy Fruit in the holes. It attracts them, they eat it, cannot digest it, then die. Well, I suspect somewhere there is a little den of moles playing poker and blowing big bubbles as they giggle how well that works.
So, in the spirit of the great rat hunt...
Its time to come up with a pwan. Hahahahahah.
So, I have noticed when I have trenched stuff for electrical conduit that moles really like trenches. I dont know if they are lazy bastards that like easy digging or if the fluffy dirt attracts worms. I dont care. I am going to use it against them.
I found a big ass mole run.
I trenched it up.
I packed the dirt down hard underneath.
...and I made me a mole funnel. (You may recognize this raw material as part of a famous Spörd from the past). Its a kitty litter bucket (painted so the picture of a cat doesnt scare the mole!) with one big ass hole for an entrance and a tiny hole for an exit... An exit that will lead to certain spikey death.
I also lined the far end of the trench left, right and bottom with pressure treated lumber.
...and now I sit and wait. All the while chanting "Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius". (I know, different cartoon, but let me jump metaphors here. Imagine that the mole funnel is an ACME product.)
Update #1: Back to the dwawing bowd
Well the damn thing ran through my funnel the very first day and didnt trip the trap. I am beginning to think the bayonet traps are useless after 3 months of nothing. I havent seen him run through the funnel since.
Update #2: Dwats
That wiley little critter was so smart that he lured me into driving the tractor across the trap, squishing it flat. The very next day after I did this, he crawled through the tunnel.
Update #3: Got one. HAHAHAHAHAHA
Hey. Its NOT a mole. I have read all this "moles are your friends" stuff that I pretty much had discarded as crap. It said moles eat pests, not vegetable matter. I scoffed. They would drag a 4 ft plant down into the run and munch on it. Then I caught one.
This isnt a mole, but a pocket gopher. It pretty much looks like an underground rat. And I have a history with rats... The description even says it will drag vegetation down into the hole. Anyway, this leads me to say "Die pocket gopher. Die."