Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Oba-Maniacs

I am a skeptic. I am a skeptic about pretty much everything -- a "Show Don't Tell" sort of guy.

So while the majority of the world seems all a titter over Obama, I don't. I don't hate him (yet). I just don't get all a titter. Don't get me wrong: I am not a Bush apologist. But just because I don't like Bush does not mean I do like Obama. It's not either-or, okay?

I guess the optimism of the country is good in a way. There is some amount of self-healing and placebo effect of a positive attitude. So in a way, I am glad that attitude is there. But I also think that attitude is dangerous. Well, maybe dangerous isn't the right word, but it's in the ballpark. There has been a sort of messiah complex built around the man, which I don't think is a good thing. Firstly, it allows him to do get a pass when he does bad things. He's the messiah, he must be right. Secondly, there is this little gnawing fear that if he disappoints, people will over react in the opposite direction. And, quite honestly, that may be worse than getting a mulligan on doing the wrong things.

I do totally get the celebration of the black community that they actually feel represented. (I have pretty much never felt represented, though I never had to sit at the back of a bus or eat my lunch out back.) And I guess they really should celebrate that. Though I think the real progress on that front occurs when race is not even so noticed. Both sides are guilty here: there are sub-camps that like him and dislike him because of his race. The real celebration occurs when there is no celebration. Ironic.

I didn't actually sit down and watch the inauguration. The TV was on. I was in and out of the room. I heard bits and pieces. But it is interesting that with partial deafness and full inattention I picked up on the same phrases that the media did:

"The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works – whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end. And those of us who manage the public’s dollars will be held to account - to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day – because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government."

Maybe I am being too picky here, but immediately 2 things really bothered me (beyond the point that he is a politician and I already doubt he really is looking for something that works.)

  • First, I am bothered by the fact that the question is "does it work?" instead of "is it right?" While "it works" is seriously important in the evaluation of something, it cannot be the sole justification. We could probably act like Somali pirates and steal everything of value on the international waters to finance our failing economy. That might work. But it isn't right. In the same regard, we can steal money from an increasingly unemployed population via taxation. That might work. But I don't think it will. It may make the problem bigger and put the pain off for another day. And it isn't right.
  • Secondly, history has shown us what works. And I doubt seriously that will be considered. In the history of the world, the more free the economy, the more successful it has been. The less intervention, the more the return. What works would require -- not doing nothing -- but UNdoing lots of things. The sad part of this is: it not only is the answer to "is it right?" but it is also the answer to "does it work?" And yes, there would be those god awful selfish people making tons of money. Odd that selfishness is so successful, huh? Odd that our culture teaches how evil it is even when it positively answers both "does it work?" and "is it right?".

The one thing Obama seems determined to do (and I am slightly optimistic about) is attempt to be inclusive. There is the possibility that this means he will just get everyone's hands dirty so blame goes all around, but there is also the (slight) possibility that he might actually listen to someone that holds an opposing viewpoint. He did say:

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus – and non-believers."

This. This does give me a tiny sparkle of hope. I don't know that I have ever heard any public figure acknowledge that we were anything but a Judeo-Christian society. Often they even try to say we were founded on those beliefs (even though that statement is categorically incorrect). But the fact that there is a slight acknowledgment of non-christians and (gasp) even non-believers among us does at least inspire a tiny spark of optimism. Maybe, in my own skeptical tiny way, I suffer from a diminished form of the same messiah complex, but it sure beats "I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered patriots."

Monday, January 19, 2009

The ramble: an introduction

[Note: With this installment, Spork Industries Incorporated (A SporkCo Company) is proud to introduce a new feature: The ramble. The ramble is a disjointed uninterrupted thought about very little or nothing -- the voices in the head of an alcoholic street person with multiple personalties. Run-on sentence you say? Fie on you.]

There are too many whiners in the world. And there are just too many important things going on to whine about the unimportant. That is why I have chosen this moment to speak to you about something very important to me: TV. And I'd like to ramble a bit. When it comes to blogs, this isn't just the Quitter's Blog, it's the blog about nothing: The Seinfeld of blogs.

First off, let's talk Grey's Anatomy. It's a fine show with real writing and lots of ironic humor. It's set in a hospital and is about real world stuff. NOW EXPLAIN TO ME WHY THERE IS A FRIGGING GHOST IN IT RECENTLY! Now, oddly enough, while I do not believe in the mystical or the magical, I love stories about said topic. Give me a vampire story and I'll be as happy as a tractor full of diesel. But when I am enjoying a story about something real, I'd just prefer it to stay real, okay? Is this some sort of means to get even with Katherine Heigl for being a real bitch to the writers last season? I mean, if it is, then I totally support them for it. I was so totally into her and would totally have put her on the list until she got all uppity about the roles she had been in. And while I am on the subject: why the heck did she fix her teeth? I loved her cute snaggly little teeth. They made her not look like every barbie doll that walked out of L.A. And now she has perfect white teeth that look fake. Really, folks, have you ever seen teeth? You would think if you were wanting your teeth colored you would want them the color of, let's say: teeth. And what's wrong with a hot chick that looks... real? And while we are talking about hot chicks on Grey's Anatomy, let me just say: I do not buy the whole lesbian thing that is going on. It's not that I dislike lesbians. As a one-track minded male brought up on too much Penthouse Forum I can honestly say that lesbians are just fine with me. I know all about their secret pillow fights in lingere. It just doesn't bother me. But I ain't buying the whole Callie/Erica/Sadie lesbian thing. It isn't working. They aren't bad actresses, it's just bad writing and it doesn't work. Move on.

And while we are on the subject of Grey's Anatomy, let me quit that an unexplainably jump to Heroes. Did you see the first season of Heroes? It was totally new and interesting. It, unlike Grey's, was about the supernatural -- the supernatural that walked among us. And since that was the theme of the show, I was totally okay with it. And the writing was truely inspiring. If you haven't seen it I would recommend you go right out and get the DVDs for season 1... that is: I'd recommend it if it were not for season 2 and season 3. The real stupid gotcha here is why the hell am I still watching it? I guess because I want it to go back to the way it was. But while I ramble in no particular direction, I ask you to go out and google "heroes continuity problems". Okay, now the fact that there are 895,000 hits should be a teeny tiny warning flag to the writers: some of us have watched the show. Maybe as the show's writing staff, in your spare time, you should go back and watch it. You see: all that stuff in season 3 that referred back to stuff before that never happened? Yeah, we noticed. I'm not talking about little continuity errors like cut away, cut back and the necklace disappears. I'm talking about an entire season that disappeared. And it was the good season. And while you are at it, you might book the next flight to where ever the next solar eclipse is. They don't last 8 hours -- really. And notice I said "book a flight?" Yeah, that's because the complete solar eclipse does not happen everywhere in the entire earth. It's a shadow that doesn't hit the whole thing okay? And it doesn't happen everywhere at the same time either. You see, there is a dark and a light side of the planet. When it is daytime here, it is night somewhere else. Freaky, I know, but that's how it's been for a really really long time.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Holy Pope on a Rope, Batman

I am totally busted.
According to this article, the funny hat wearing head of the Catholic church is cracking down on phony arbitrary visions of the slightly tarnished Mary like mine. (As opposed to the "real" visions of a 2000 year old dead figure who's actual existence is arguable in the first place.)

Some highlights from the article [with snarky comments]:

"In some cases exorcists will be used to determine if a credible apparition is 'divine' origin or 'demonic'." [This is of course, because exorcism is a scientifically proven method of ridding people or inanimate objects of scientifically proven demons.]

"The Pope is said to be deeply concerned by the explosion in the number of pseudo-mystics who, claiming a direct line to God, set themselves against the bishops and lure the Catholic faithful out of the Church and into cults." [...as compared to the real mystics with a direct line to god...]

"The third step will be to investigate the person’s level of education and to determine if they have had access to material that could be used to falsely support their claims." [So, just to be clear here: If said claimant was raised by abusive parents that kept them locked in a dark closet 24 hours a day, then it is possible the apparitions are real. If they have ever seen a television, newspaper or internet connection then they are automatically deemed to have access to material that could falsely support their claims. Suddenly a big dark cloud of logic surrounds the pope and he is defeated by his own argument.]

"It said that in many cases 'signs from heaven' were exposed as human trickery." [You are kidding me. The grilled cheese sandwich isn't really the holy mother's endorsement of dairy products? What about "blessed are the cheesemakers?"]

Thursday, January 8, 2009

The Devine Dog, Ma


As I pointed out before the awesome unexplained miracle does happen. And it sets your spine a tingle. Imagine my surprise when visiting my sister to see the image of the virgin Mary appearing in dog slime on her dog door. (By now, she is probably "the only slightly tarnished Mary". It has been 2000 years, though. Give her a break.) This, my friends, is way better than "Mary on a sandwich" or "Mary on the bathroom door varnish" or "Mary on my dirty window." This was created by living, breathing, loving dogs. Surely this must be a sign! Praise Dog. Now if I can only get her to sell this on Ebay and split the prophets with me.

Monday, January 5, 2009

The official war on Christmas begins today

As of this morning (at midnight) I want you to know you are all officially "on notice." If your damn Christmas decorations (or Kwanzaa or Hanukkah or whatever) are still up, you will be dutifully reported to the Christmas police.
As you should be aware, holiday decorations are regulated and monitored by international committee. The Global Regulation of International Christmas Holiday Committee (aka GRINCH Committee) mandates that Holiday decorations can not be put up until the day of Thanksgiving and absolutely must be taken down and put away no later than the end of the weekend following New Years Day. Any violations of this law should not be reported via normal emergency numbers (911 in the USA) but with the annoyance number (912 in the USA).
You have been warned.