I think Ellie Mae is trying to kill me. Now, before you tune out, listen to this:

First off, for years she has been making me eat really good food. I am convinced this is purely an attempt to create hardening of the arteries and to weaken my heart.

And yesterday, sensing my heart was in a weakened state, I am pretty sure she put a stinging scorpion in my shorts. This is an obvious attempt to have it sting my naughty bits, cause a heart attack -- and the entire Stump Farm would be hers.

Fortunately for me, it missed my naughty bits and stung my inner thigh. And when I went to her to get a little sympathy, all I got was "You shouldnt leave your clothes on the floor." If that isnt an admission of guilt, I do not know what is.