Monday, February 2, 2009

Super Bowel

I am not a sports fan. That may come as a real shock that a heterosexual American male couldn't give a rats ass about sports -- but its a fact. It probably comes from a geeky upbringing where I was always dead last in a race and spent more time on the bench than on a field.

"That's okay Sporky. Did you know Babe Ruth had the highest strike out record in the league?"

No, actually I didn't. I didn't know that because I didn't follow sports. But I am also willing to bet that he hit it occasionally, okay? Otherwise he wouldn't have a cool nickname and we wouldn't be talking about him.

But, as I often do, I am getting off the track. The point I was going to make, if it actually could be considered a point, was that even though I don't watch sports, I do watch the Super Bowl. It has become a festival of junk food, beer and funny commercials to me. Sadly for the NFL, I actually am known to TiVo the game and start late... fast forwarding through the game to the commercials.
Oh, and as the clever title implies: I eat. Lots.
Back to my non-point, though. Somewhere there is someone getting paid a whole lot of money for creativity to come up with these commercials. And the best think someone at Budweiser could come up with is that it has "drinkability."
Really? That's the best you have? The fact that, if under duress, one could possibly choke it down -- is that really the best thing about your product? I mean, showing big boobley dancing girls is likely to sell more beer than that. What phrases actually were passed over for "drinkability?"
  • It doesn't make you vomit. Much.
  • It won't kill you.
  • Better than the warm spit at the bottom of the bottle.
  • Have 2 really good beers. Then have one of ours before the buzz wears off.
  • More portable than tap water.... though maybe not quite as potable.
  • Colder than urine.
  • Hold your nose and have a sip