Monday, January 19, 2009

The ramble: an introduction

[Note: With this installment, Spork Industries Incorporated (A SporkCo Company) is proud to introduce a new feature: The ramble. The ramble is a disjointed uninterrupted thought about very little or nothing -- the voices in the head of an alcoholic street person with multiple personalties. Run-on sentence you say? Fie on you.]

There are too many whiners in the world. And there are just too many important things going on to whine about the unimportant. That is why I have chosen this moment to speak to you about something very important to me: TV. And I'd like to ramble a bit. When it comes to blogs, this isn't just the Quitter's Blog, it's the blog about nothing: The Seinfeld of blogs.

First off, let's talk Grey's Anatomy. It's a fine show with real writing and lots of ironic humor. It's set in a hospital and is about real world stuff. NOW EXPLAIN TO ME WHY THERE IS A FRIGGING GHOST IN IT RECENTLY! Now, oddly enough, while I do not believe in the mystical or the magical, I love stories about said topic. Give me a vampire story and I'll be as happy as a tractor full of diesel. But when I am enjoying a story about something real, I'd just prefer it to stay real, okay? Is this some sort of means to get even with Katherine Heigl for being a real bitch to the writers last season? I mean, if it is, then I totally support them for it. I was so totally into her and would totally have put her on the list until she got all uppity about the roles she had been in. And while I am on the subject: why the heck did she fix her teeth? I loved her cute snaggly little teeth. They made her not look like every barbie doll that walked out of L.A. And now she has perfect white teeth that look fake. Really, folks, have you ever seen teeth? You would think if you were wanting your teeth colored you would want them the color of, let's say: teeth. And what's wrong with a hot chick that looks... real? And while we are talking about hot chicks on Grey's Anatomy, let me just say: I do not buy the whole lesbian thing that is going on. It's not that I dislike lesbians. As a one-track minded male brought up on too much Penthouse Forum I can honestly say that lesbians are just fine with me. I know all about their secret pillow fights in lingere. It just doesn't bother me. But I ain't buying the whole Callie/Erica/Sadie lesbian thing. It isn't working. They aren't bad actresses, it's just bad writing and it doesn't work. Move on.

And while we are on the subject of Grey's Anatomy, let me quit that an unexplainably jump to Heroes. Did you see the first season of Heroes? It was totally new and interesting. It, unlike Grey's, was about the supernatural -- the supernatural that walked among us. And since that was the theme of the show, I was totally okay with it. And the writing was truely inspiring. If you haven't seen it I would recommend you go right out and get the DVDs for season 1... that is: I'd recommend it if it were not for season 2 and season 3. The real stupid gotcha here is why the hell am I still watching it? I guess because I want it to go back to the way it was. But while I ramble in no particular direction, I ask you to go out and google "heroes continuity problems". Okay, now the fact that there are 895,000 hits should be a teeny tiny warning flag to the writers: some of us have watched the show. Maybe as the show's writing staff, in your spare time, you should go back and watch it. You see: all that stuff in season 3 that referred back to stuff before that never happened? Yeah, we noticed. I'm not talking about little continuity errors like cut away, cut back and the necklace disappears. I'm talking about an entire season that disappeared. And it was the good season. And while you are at it, you might book the next flight to where ever the next solar eclipse is. They don't last 8 hours -- really. And notice I said "book a flight?" Yeah, that's because the complete solar eclipse does not happen everywhere in the entire earth. It's a shadow that doesn't hit the whole thing okay? And it doesn't happen everywhere at the same time either. You see, there is a dark and a light side of the planet. When it is daytime here, it is night somewhere else. Freaky, I know, but that's how it's been for a really really long time.


Anonymous said...

Heigl fixed her teeth? I was afraid that she would do that. These ring-in-the-nose Hollywood types all want to look exactly alike. Damn, that's really too bad. She's off my list now. She won't look like Katherine Heigl anymore. Bummer.

On the bright side(always look at the bright side,whistle), that puts Ellie Mae at the top of my list now.

Spork In the Eye said...

I am glad someone else is bothered by this.

Oh, and I'd take ring in the nose over chin (aka "the dribbler") or lip (aka "the fish hook")

Og Make Blog said...

I never realized you watched so much TV, besides Oprah, that is.

Spork In the Eye said...

All legally received channels I might add.

Kari said...

Ironic, isn't it? If the writers had made Hiro go back in time and change history, then we could have accepted it. But the "fact" that history has changed with no explanation is unacceptable.