Oprah's Spork's Favorite Things
Ok, I gotta say Oprah is sexy. Yeah, she is good looking, but that isnt it. Sure, the self confidence, the winning attitude -- it all helps, but that isnt it either. Compassion? No. Let me just stop you there. It is because she has a trillion dollars.
Now Oprah would pick only the finest, most expensive things.... and then give them to 400 people. In my case, this is Spork's Cheap Ass Bastard favorite things. You have to aquire them yourself. But they are dirt ass cheap.
As an aside and for comparison: There is no amount of money on this planet that would make Bill Gates sexy.
No particular order is implied here...
- Single malt scotch whiskey - Now there are tons of good Scotches out there. I only wish had tasted them all. If I live long enough, maybe I will. The best probably has to be Glenmorangie 18. But this isnt about being the best. This is about favoritism. That award goes to McClelland's Highland. It is a cheap ass release of Glen Garioch 5 year old. Yes, that is McClellands, not Macallan. I am sure the sound-alike-ness is purely accidental.
- Box wine - Yes, box wine. I said it. All the super snob wine bastards out there can just go hump a rock. If you havent tried it, don't knock it. In particular, put on a fake nose and glasses and drive clear across town so no one can identify you. Go into the Costco and get you a cheap ass bottle (err... box) of Black Box. Just because it doesnt cost you $50 doesnt mean it isnt drinkable. Oh, yeah, I forgot: for the cost of one bottle of wine, you get 4. And if you drop it, it doesnt break.
- Linux - Ok, I totally am an operating system bigot. I know I am. So let me set the record straight. I do hate Windows. It is big and cumbersome. I personally dont think it is very secure. If you look at it on the inside, it is overcomplicated and it just doesnt make sense. Can it be configured to be satisfactory: usually, yes. Can Linux be configured to be a big snotty mess: absolutely. That said, I still think Linux is heads above the rest. And the price is right. And with Linux, you are not just getting the OS -- you are getting the applications too. It may not play your favorite game of Duke Shootemup, so if that is your primary focus, then move along.
I have heard it said that Unix is too hard to use. Well my 70-something year old mother uses it without a problem.*
* Ok, well she has some occasional problems... but I assure you it has nothing to do with the fact there is a penguin on the screen.
- TiVo - I dont mean "a pvr" I mean Tivo. And not that set top box either. I mean DirecTivo. For 1/2 the price of a regular Tivo you basically get 2 Tivos. It has dual inputs for 2 satellite feeds. You will never watch live TV again. The best geeky thing about Tivo is that it is entirely built on Linux. A couple of little hacks and suddenly the world is your oyster. Or maybe the TV is your oyster. Why do they compare the world to oysters anyway? (Sadly, I believe this product is no longer available. Write your congressman. Call out the militia. Take no prisoners.) And if you are a real cheapskate, just install one Tivo and rebroadcast it to the entire house. Why would you ever need a second one unless you want to record three things at once?
- Atlas Shrugged - Its a book for those of you non-literary geniuses out there. Its more than a story, it is an entire philosophy. At the risk of sounding like a religious zealout, I will stop there. If you dont like it, dont read it. If you think both the left-wingers and the right-wingers are idiots that always misrepresent you... maybe you should check it out.
- Cesar Millan - Speaking of religious zealotism... This guy is a graven image of the lord my god. No I am not a Homer sexual. But I am awe inspired watching him wrangle dogs. Are my dogs well behaved? No*. Are my dogs a zillion times better than they used to be before I saw Cesar? Absolutely. The cool thing is that technically all your problems with your dog are your fault. Yes, that is a good thing. If it is your fault then you have the ability to fix it.
- Netflix - This beats the hell out of Blockbuster any day of the week. The last trip to Blockbuster left me with the impression that they have all the current releases (but they are currently checked out) and pretty much nothing else. Bah. Netflix has it all and if you are not afraid to go to the mailbox in your underwear, you dont even have to get dressed to rent one. The next one shows up as soon as you return the first. They rock.
- Rush - The band, not the pill-popping Limbaugh guy. Note the link goes to Amazon, not to the official site because the official site is just too damn irritating. So you are probably thinking one of 2 things based on your age:
- They are still around? Boy, I picture a bunch of bald headed men with ponytails sitting in their Mom's basement playing D&D singing like a 12 year old girl. Sadly, this is partially true.
- Never heard of them. I'll ask my dad.
* Yes, I know, this link goes to a nice 404 error. But it used to go to a link to a graph for the last time my dogs peed on the floor. Sadly, with dialup ISP status now, I cannot bring you up-to-the-moment breaking news like this any longer. If you really want this function, make sure I get broadband. Quickly.