Just to make it official...

Too many hands on my time
Too many feelings
Too many things on my mind
When I leave I don't know
What I'm hoping to find
When I leave I don't know
What I'm leaving behind... 

-Neil Peart, The Analog Kid

In the current Internet climate, it seems nothing is official until it's "Facebook Official."

It is in that spirit that I announce: I'm going to retire.  This is now, once again, a Quitter's Blog.  Much like my initial pretirement in 2006, the reactions seem to range from "congratulations" to "you are a dumb sumbitch."  I guess I should expect as much.  So, with little fanfare, I will address some of the common questions that aren't already answered in the wtf.  I'll probably eventually fold them in there in some form or fashion.

Why the hell are you retiring?

Short answer: because I can.  If you had the option, would you? ("No" is an acceptable answer.)

Longer answer: There are all types.  Some people love their jobs and will work up until the point they are dead-at-desk*.  While I enjoy doing things, they're not always the same things that I get paid for.  Human life is ridiculously short.  The idea of getting up, sucking down coffee, driving an hour, then spending the majority of a beautiful day in an 8x8 cube with no view of the world... Well, as glamorous as it sounds, it loses a little of it's gleam over the years.  Tag.  You're it.  It's your turn.

What the hell are you going to do all day?

Whatever the hell I want to.  This isn't really a question I even understand.  For years, I hear people complain of their busy lives and what they'd do if they just had time.  Well: I have time.  I have a workshop that needs to be fully set up and a house that's been 80% complete for a long time.  Just tying up those ends will entertain me for the short term.

Won't you be bored?

Are you bored at work?

How long have you been planning on this?

Almost since the beginning of work itself.  I have a much beloved uncle that punched out for the last time at age 48.  While I missed the bar by a couple of years, the idea has been there for as long as I can remember.  But I've been mostly** working on it for the past 20 years. 

How in the world did you do this?

The really short answer to "How?" is: you spend less than you earn.  I know that sounds like a cop out, but it really is just that simple.  Drive an older car.  Live in a less expensive house.  Eat out less.  Buy less stuff.  Don't pay $5 a day for a 15 cent cup of coffee.  And that isn't just a way to save money now while compounding interest does awesome things.  That also means you'll need less to live on later.  That $100k of expenses you had this year might last you 3 or 4 years if you just looked at it from the right angle.  (And this doesn't mean your way of spending is wrong...  But it might be wrong if you want to retire early.)

But I'm just a snarky sonofabitch.  I'm not really a good teacher.  If you really want a nuts and bolts approach, you should probably take a look at someone like Mr. Money Mustache.  It turns out that the math is shockingly simple.  I happened on MMM well after I was on the road.  And I by no means took an extreme approach.  While I brag about being a Cheap Ass Bastard -- compared to Those of the Mustache™, I am probably a Spendy McSpenderson. 

This wouldn't work for me.  My situation is different...

That's not a question.

Dammit.  Okay.  How in the world would this work for me in situation X?

I'm not a financial analyst and you probably don't want to pay me to become one.  Are there people that just have oddball corner cases or lots of dumb, stupid luck?  Sure.  But there are quite a few cases of people making almost nothing, with a house full of kids that managed to retire MUCH FASTER than me.  If you really want advice, I'm quite sure one of them could offer it better than I.  If you're serious about it, post your details on the MMM forum and let the math geeks play with it.  But if you want to argue that it cannot be done in your situation, you've come to the wrong place.  If you don't think you can do it, you're destined to be right.

Will you ever work again?

I don't know.  I'm relatively sure I won't ever work again in the same capacity that I do now.  I'd be more interested to take lower paying jobs where I could learn a skill (cabinet shop anyone?) than leverage my existing skills.  And I might do little bits and pieces of what I do now for grins -- but at a significantly higher rate.

When's all this happen?

Both seriously and tongue in cheek: Independence Day.

---

*One place I worked had a database of everyone that had ever worked there across decades and their employment status: current employee, retired, fired with cause, etc.   One entry in that very large database had the status "dead at desk."  That will not be me.

**Mostly meaning: not including 2006-2009, when I felt the urge to take my ball and go home for a little while.  Again: because I could. 

P&T: the Unreview

Three years since last post?  Yeah, I've been.... um.... busy.  I know the world weeps for my wisdom.

If you're looking for a review of the travelling Penn & Teller magic show, you're probably in the wrong place.  What you're more likely to find here is just me being a big kiss ass toward the dynamic duo.  It's not really fair for me to ask if I liked the show.  That's like asking if I like ice cream.  Or steak.  Or bacon.  You see: I've been a fan since my late teens (and I'm an old fart).  But I never knew how much of a fan I was back then... I just knew their humor and style appealed to me.

What I came to discover -- and hope to impart here -- is that their magic matters.  Oh, sure, it is a silly show full of all sorts of chuckles, lies and trickery.  But it is more than that as well.  It is true art.  And it's art with a purpose.

To really understand their impact, you'd have to understand the town I grew up in.  When I was a child, it was a sleepy little town fully entrenched and ruled by Baptists.  And I mean seriously ruled.  It was "made safe" by continuing alcohol prohibition well up until 2013.  I remember the religious leaders up in arms protesting -- successfully I might add -- to keep the heretic ideas in Monty Python's "Life of Brian" out of the cinema.  I remember city ordinances that shuttered dangerous pornography like Playboy magazine and kept it safely outside the city walls.  And all I could think at the time was how bassackwards the town was and how much I wanted to escape it.

And escape I did.  Roughly about the same time I first saw P&T's blood and cockroach infested appearances on Letterman -- I also was dabbling in that evil that we know of as Rock and Roll.  In particular: Rush -- which also had quite an influence on my young mind.  I found their intriguing ideas on art, self interest and philosophy really melded with my own forming opinions.  When I found a one-liner in their liner notes: "with acknowledgement to the genius of Ayn Rand"... I dug through bookshelves and started reading.

It was probably about 10 years ago I realized that Penn & Teller were outspoken libertarians and atheists -- well, one of them was outspoken anyway.  I stumbled upon their Bullshit! series and was hooked immediately.  And it was just a little more than a year ago that Ellie May pulled out her phone with Penn's podcast loaded and said "Spork: you've GOT to listen to this."  Just like that, I became a member of Penn's congregation.

So why do silly magic tricks matter?  They matter because I saw a room full of old Baptist geezers listen while Penn trivializes religious thought -- and they laughed and applauded.  They matter because many of these same people patiently waited 45 minutes for a 10 second photo op with them, grinning with insane childish joy.  You can tell the magic tricks matter when you hear a stranger in the crowd say "I really don't like their world view, but MAN that part with the Constitution was powerful!"

They matter because men can express their love of individual rights and their distaste for religion all wrapped in laughter and wonder.  A group that's usually thought of as lunatic fringe is the star attraction for 2 whole hours.

And maybe most of all it matters because they somehow symbolize that the backwards town where I felt oddly out of place seems to have grown up -- just a little.

To build a house...

With much fanfare, I would like to point you to my profile, which has been gleefully updated.  Note that it no longer says "in a metal shed" but says "in a real damn house."  That's right, we've moved in.

I've mentioned, in not-so-much detail, that we were building a house.  And, more importantly that we had the intention of building it using a ridiculous never-done-ever method: using money.

While we were in progress, I hesitated to go into a lot of detail... partly because those sorts of details are hard for me to talk about sometimes... and, to be honest, because I wanted to know if I would succeed or not.  It's interesting either way -- failures often teach us as much as successes -- but it's often hard to know how to tell a story without knowing the ending.  Now, as the arterial rupture of money spilling on the ground trickles back to a mere mortal hemmorhage... it's time.

This might be longish... so I will be chopping it up as best I can.  There are a number of observations I'd like to point out along the way.

I shall start here with the dry, boring bits: the what and the why.

My goal (other than "Ellie gets a kitchen") was to build a nice house -- not a stripped down square box -- but something nice.  I didn't want something that looked like it was full of compromises and cutbacks (although, that was painfully a big part of the process).  We plan on being there a long time -- maybe forever -- though you never really know what curves life will throw you.  And even though I am a cheap ass bastard, we were willing to spend more in areas that we considered to be the bones of the house.  (For example, I'm willing to pay double for insulation if it pays off in 4 or 5 years.)

And, as a sworn member of the Tinkerer's Union: Sweat equity.  I like sweat equity for several reasons.  Obviously I like it because I am cheap.  But, maybe more importantly, I like it because it makes it mine.  There is a reason why Habitat for Humanity requires it for their charity work.  Getting physically and emotionally involved in the building process gives you more of a sense of ownership than writing a check.

As for "why" to do this: I have a desire to be financially independent.  Note: that doesn't mean "Bill Gates $100 bills leaking out of your pockets rich" (though this option is surely attractive).  What that means is being at a point in life where you work... or not... based on what you damn well want to do.  And by "work" I would include spending all day out in the shop at a lathe turning toothpicks out of oak trees.

FI is a mindset that seems rare these days, and sadly so.  Even in early stages of FI -- as you get closer to it, but still are not quite there -- it is a wildly empowering mindset.  Even if you're only partly there, you realize that the daily grind of your job isn't REQUIRED for everyday life.  You could quit (or get laid off) and still be okay for a long damn time.  You could discover the meaning of your life involved a master's degree in beaver orthodontia -- and have the resources to retool and pursue that goal.

And probably one of the most important tools (IMO) in becoming financially independent is: a paid off house.  There are still expenses: maintenance, utilities, taxes... but imagine all the cool stuff you could do if you didn't have a house payment.  Now imagine you DIDN'T do that stuff, but instead wisely invested that house payment for several years....you're there.

Let me tell you a story.  There isn't a snarky punchline.  There isn't a lesson to be learned.  It's just a story.

There was once a computer geek that worked in a big city.  His office had a huge plate glass window in it... probably 60 feet long from floor to ceiling.  One day while working he noticed a momma cat outside, nursing a tiny kitten.  This was not in a residential area and she was struggling to catch enough food to produce the milk for the kitten.  So the geek put out cat food for her.

Momma was wild.  Very wild.  And the kitten, orange with swirly stripes, became wild too.  No amount of coaxing or talking would draw her out.  Time went by... the only way the kitten would allow the geek to approach was through the plate glass window -- where if he dangled a string (or a frayed bit of CAT5 cable) she would play with it through the window.

As momma cats do...  Momma got pregnant again... and had another litter of kittens, leaving the kitten alone.  She did not know how to hunt.  She was helpless.  And Momma had to send her away to raise the next batch.

So the geek trapped her.  She was probably about 9 months old by now and extremely wild.  And every said you just can't tame a feral cat.  Once they are wild... it's over.

Like I said, there is no moral here... no punchline... no snark.  That scrawny scared feral kitten passed away today at the too-young age of almost 12.  She spent 9 months living on the hard streets, became an indoor cat and never looked back.  Bye Lucy.

Miscellaneous

Lazy.  That's what you call someone that posts one tidbit every quarter.  Hello, I am lazy, nice to meet you.

And this post isn't so much a work of art or a spew of vitriol... It's more of an update.

The home front

I mentioned here and here we were trying to build a house.  And while the schedule has been oh-so-lax and not-quite-met... I believe it is actually about to begin.  There's a plan.  There's a builder.  There's a rough outline drawn on the ground with my truck parked in the "garage."  Now, building a house is probably not all that unique, so I probably won't be leaving updates here every 3 hours (unless there is something particularly interesting to post).  For friends/family/stalkers I'll try to keep a running set of photos on Picasa.  Other disinterested parties may silently ignore that.

I would, for the record, like to point out the builder selection process:

• Builder 1 - hired to draw plans and bid on the house.  Copied/pasted plans from a web site.  Fired.
• Builder 2 - Seems.   Like.  A.  Nice.  And.  Honest.  Guy.  That.  Talks.  A.  Little.  Slow.  For the record, I'd like to mention that 2 out of 4 times I have been to his office, I had car trouble bad enough that I had to be towed home.  No, this was not the same car.  Jinx?
• Builder 3 - Seemslikeareallyniceguythattalksreallyfastanddrinkstoomuchcoffee.  We actually went a few rounds with him, telling him how we wanted to do some of our own work and he mysteriously just decided (weeks into this) to stop returning our phone calls.  Nutjob?  Or stringing us along?  Who cares.  Fired.
• Builder 4 - The most highly recommended builder by the girl that eventually drew our plans (not by the copy-paste method).  "He would build my house," she said.  Then we talked to several subcontractors that slowly shook their heads no.  "He doesn't pay his bills and you cannot ever get him on the phone."  Fired.
• Builder 5 - A slick used car salesman that deals in 2x4's and plywood.  I was ready to leave the office about the time I shook his hand.  Fired.

From the above, you can probably deduce we went with Builder 2.  If you're still wondering about the possible jinx, I'd also mention his office caught on fire about a week before we signed with him.

The Chambers

Ellie May has had the idea for several years that she wanted a shiny new (old) Chambers range in her kitchen.  We even drew the plans with the odd sized hole in the cabinets for it.  We've been watching Ebay/Craigslist for over a year, bid on a few and never found the right one at the right price.  And then they fell out of the sky.  Last week we found 2 of them for the price of 1.  Neither is pristine by any means, but they're both mostly complete and I feel certain I can build one working stove out of the 2.  I'll also have a spot on Picasa for the restoration of these guys... and possibly have some blog entries here as there do seem to be a crazy bunch of rabid fans (Ellie included).

Suggestions for naming the ranges are now being taken.

A little housekeeping

This is just a little bit of an update for those that actually know me. [ I've found the vast majority of my "fans" are drive-bys that are presumably at work, bored to tears and are just clicking "next blog, next blog, next blog, next blog" in an effort to make it to 5 o'clock. ] At the first of the year, in between the spittle-spewing rants, I actually mentioned my goal for the year was to move out of my Unabomber tool shed and into a real honest-to-goodness house -- like one with real walls and a roof and a real central HVAC system. And, to add to that goal: to do it all on a cash flow basis.

Well, I'm pretty sure that it's not going to happen this year, but we are at least getting close -- well, close to starting anyway. We do now have finalized plans. Let the builder bidding begin.

Resolutions per Minute

Ah, the new year. A time for reflection. A time for planning. A time for resolutions. I have never been much of a resolution kind of guy -- resolutions are not easy when you are perfect in every way. But this year is different. This year gets one: I resolve to spend next new year's eve with Ellie May in our very own kitchen.

There is a whole lot implied in that statement and if you follow this blog at all you can just skip ahead.

The implication, of course, is that after 3 and a half years, it is about time to move out of my unabomber tool shed and into a real honest-to-goodness house. And it's not that I begrudge a day in the shed. I am more than confident that I will look back to the pretired days in the tool shed as some of the best times. It's just that Ellie deserves her kitchen.

Again, if you have followed along, you mostly know how I got here. And in the spirit of how I got here it will also be how I plan to move forward: without debt.

That's right, the plan is to build a house in a Dave Ramsey/Thomas Stanley-esque sort of way -- cash flowing most (if not all) of it as I go. I mean to do this both to prove to myself it can be done... and also in a way as a means to prove a point: With modest income and a low consumption lifestyle, you can retire rich. And it's more about the choices you make along the way than it is anything else. If you're under 30 -- hell, if you're under 40 -- it is totally doable starting right damn now. I dare you.

Rodentia: the battle of wits between man and beast

My life has been full of pitiful, awful, failed attempts to outsmart rodents.

I am hoping to add to that list.

To date I have concocted:

• La Camera de la Rata - a junky, broken laptop hooked up to an outdated web cam pointed at a rat trap in the attic. The drivers were not available except on some South American warez site -- and only in Spanish. Quieres reiniciar? Si / No. No photos of anything but the tremors caused by the AC kicking on and off.
• The Spörd - inspired by a Swedish friend. The Swedish Pool of Rat Destruction. A rolling platform baited with peanut butter and suspended over a drowning pool of deadly antifreeze. Utter. And. Complete. Failure.
• The Mole Funnel - aka Project Fudd. A lame attempt to force the mole to go through the damn trap instead of going around it. This made me fall into daily affirmations: I am smarter than a rodent. I am smarter than a rodent.
• And now I hear the words in my head again... "Wile. E. Coyote: Super Genius." Yes, in a burst of glory, I will now catch that last damn mouse in the shop with.... "Mickey's Bar and Grill." Pure genius, this is. The first four mice were just average every day Joe's. Hard working fellas that just wanted to come home to some peace and quiet. They fell to the normal mouse trap like man lured by pork products. But the last guy... the last guy is smart. Very smart. Two days have passed. And each day he licks the peanut butter off 6 traps like they were mere mice cream cones full of butter pecan. Oh but I will get you Smarty Mouse. I will get you.

  I have cleverly taken all 6 traps... and grouped them around one ice cold glass of beer. (I almost cannot type this without giggling... the smile frozen on my face... he will be mine.) Smarty Mouse will either get drunk and drown in his own beer... or stumble off to the missus and weave into one of my traps when his senses are dulled by the demon alchohol. I am unsure about the sex and the sexual orientation of Smarty Mouse. I considered placing a gaudy sign above the beer: "Live nude rodents" -- complete with lifelike animatronic silicone implanted female mice. My one worry here was that this might actually be some sort of overzealous feminist mouse. My lure might actually anger her, causing mouse protests in my shop -- maybe even little mousitov cocktails. No, this was too serious to submit it to this kind of risk. It must just be a friendly little place. A place where every rodent knows your name.

I will keep you posted...

[ updates in the comments section ... ]

Quitting the quitting

Even as a quitter I am a quitter.

I officially accepted an offer today. Don't ask me who with -- I just sort of like to keep names and, you know, facts, out of my rantacious musings. Things are much easier when you deal with loose conjecture, rambling, lampoonery and much less subpoenable items. If your curiosity is killing you, look me up in linkedin under less pseudonymous nomenclature. Obviously my geeky interview skills are at least semi passable... or I was the only applicant -- a possibility that is extremely plausible given the narrow scope of my experience and the job description.

I must say it is seriously weird to think of returning to work after almost 3 years of vacation. I know Ellie doesn't necessarily view it as vacation, but I certainly did. I fully expect to think back of the days living in a toolshed as "good times." But life has been on hold for a while -- no significant investment, no house, limited entertainment and toys, hillbilly bifocals... It will be nice to get back on the road to retirement (though my supercool cacti retirement graphs have come really close at times to hitting the target.)

That probably means fewer rants here... and maybe, just maybe -- more entries on house building.

And a big "thanks" to those of you that may have given references -- whether they called you or not. I'll assume they did and you and you alone were the sole reason I got the job. How's that?

The Geek Interview

I suck at the job interview. I truly mean that from the bottom of my blackened and shriveled heart. And it's my fault, really it is. Self promotion does not come naturally to me... and generally when I see others do their self promotion, my eyes roll back into my head and a little remote control in my head changes the channel to something more interesting.

I also just have, over the years, found absolutely no use for storing detailed, cataloged memories of stuff I have done. From a geek point of view, that data is stored on tape.... and not in one of those tape silos where a mechanized robot hand can grab it and spin it up. No, it is stored off site in a cardboard box in a warehouse on the bad side of town in my brain. And while the tape is probably labeled properly, the box isn't -- and it's on a big ass shelf with about 8000 other unlabeled boxes. And the tape isn't some fancy schmancy reads-almost-as-fast-as-a-disk-drive tape. It is some old 2.5G 8mm Sony video tape that you have to shove into a sometimes flakey Exabyte tape drive.

It's the same reason I do piss poor when fighting with a spouse or girlfriend (and no, dear, I do not mean to imply I have both.) I don't have all my transgressions indexed neatly in an optimized sql database either. It just never seemed that important. Never you mind the fact that the lyrics from every single song I ever heard in the 1970's -- even the ones I didn't like -- are filed neatly in cache and are indexed by artist, title, subject and album cover. I might need that data. Really. I might.

So I don't do well with "You have never been supportive in this relationship" and I don't do well with "Tell me about a time when you overcame conflict in a workplace situation." I don't freaking know. I really don't. I could probably take that as an essay question, take it home, mull it over for a week and write up some long ass bullshit answer and ... it would probably give a 4 out of 5 or better. I mean: that's what school taught me -- if you can write a 5 paragraph BS answer that vaguely dances around the question asked, you get an A+.

Take that philosophy of how school works, let 20 plus years go by without any practice, add a nearly 3 year resume gap, a razor thin area of expertise and 4 cups of introverted^[1] and that's where I am now.

Someone needs to sort out a proper method for interviewing geeks. The behavioral interview style just doesn't work. The best interviews I ever participated in involved beer. One was by the pool with a beer... and I worked with him for over 15 years. The other was a weekend kegger in Austin with barbecue, beer and 4 hours of in depth technical screening.^[2] Both of these worked for me... and both landed me a job.

1. Oh crap, the recipe only called for 1 cup. Ooops.
2. Truth in lending laws require me to mention I worked here one day and quit, but my point was about the interview style, not the job itself.

Teabagging

First off, I must admit: I am a coffee drinker. Tea doesn't do it for me. That said, I like the whole tea party concept -- but I think it missed the boat. I think it was ignored. And I think I know why.

First off, it got no media coverage. Oh, sure, Fox News was there -- and almost seemed to be a sponsor. This probably drove the other media outlets away. Who wants to be seen covering someone else's event? Some will see this as the "awful liberal media" but I don't see it -- at least not at the moment. And I don't care if Fox was the only one covering you -- this is not a benefit. Fox News is divisive. Sure there may be a handful of pundits on Fox that occasionally spout a rational point of view, but they are so buried in over dramatization, fear promotion and pandering to the religious right that it gets lost in the shuffle. And the right so doesn't understand they are getting hoaxed -- that Fox News is a lefty's joke to make money off the right and funnel it to the left.

And, oh my god, shut Rick Perry up. I understand his message. And the right person can say it in a way that is a little more balanced. But this is Texas. And in Texas there is something extra special about the whole "Secede from the Union" thing. In Texas, there is a whole subculture of crazies that preach secession all the time. They don't need anyone pushing them. In Texas, secession brings out the confederate flag waving, monster truck driving, hood wearing lynch mob. These folks don't need a push. They are scary enough without the Gov standing up and giving them a shout out. Take your Rod Blagojevich hair and go back to the governor's mansion.

But most importantly, if this movement were to be effective, there needs to be a very loud criticism of the right. Yes, I said the right. We all know that the tea party folks hate the insane spending of the left. But they need to embrace the insanity of the spending of the right as well. Don't you sit there and defend Bush and criticize Obama when their spending and bailout plans are pretty much explicitly the same. Bush and Clinton got us into this mess with their idiotic financial policies. Obama's plan to get us out is right in line with the plans that got us here. To criticize one without bashing the other is a farce.

This needs to not be a left vs right or liberal vs conservative issue. This needs to be a reason vs irrationality issue. And it needs to be loud. And it can't just be something we do on "tax day." The protest needs to happen until the idiots in Washington step down. Right now, they're not even scared. Right now, the tea parties have been dismissed and ignored.

New Firefox plugin: nonchalant.xpi

Caution: proceed only if equipped with Dramamine



I wish I had captured firefox while he/she was in debug mode. I.e.: it was doing great playful leaps while catching bugs. But, alas, I did not. As usual, it is pretty much unafraid of us. It hung around for 5 minutes or so while I snapped pics.

Sporknӧst

Just a quick blurb to note that we have brave, proud Sporksters now in Moscow. I have now penetrated the iron curtain. I wonder if I need to start putting some backwards letters in here so they can fully understand my Яaиty truth.

(In reality, I expect my Rooskie hits are from some funny sailor hat wearing Swede.)

Personal Tragedies for both you and me

My tragedy

Personal emergencies have left me out of the tin shed for a while. And I guess you know what this means. Correct: the free space on my TiVo has rapidly declined. As you can see from the graph the cruft in the multimedia filesystem actually dipped near zero. Shudder. Shiver.

Your tragedy

And of course, I feel your pain as well. My absence has left you without ranty opinion that is so necessary to your own personal growth and learning. For this, I sincerely apologize. I will try to make this up to you.

Garden 2.0 Release Notes

Released: 14:11, 20 February 2009 (CST)

This is notification that the Garden 2.0 system is officially released. Please take the time to read through these release notes as this information may be important for your continued access and operation of the Garden 2.0 system.

Upgrade Issues/Procedures

• During the upgrade, firewalls were disabled. In some cases it became common for Garden users to access the system by means other than one of the 2 approved GUI^[1] systems. Please note that after the upgrade, this is no longer possible. Access via one of the 2 GUIs is now the only approved mechanism of access.
• The RED Security System™ was also disabled during the upgrade. Any intrusion events have not been detected or logged. Although there is no evidence of any such intrusion, please note that while RED^[2] was inactive we can make no assumptions that intrusions did not occur.
• There appeared to be a grounding issue when the additional capacity was originally added. However, this problem went away when we defragmented using the Tiller application.
• Legacy system Tree 1.0 was downgraded to Stump 0.75 almost a year ago. Stump 0.75 was found to impede access to the new Garden 2.0 systems and was further downgraded to Stump 0.1. It is unlikely that removal of Stump 0.1 will be possible in the near future.

Fixed in this Release

• All Blackberry 3.x systems are now accessed via the Garden 2.0 system. Note that in Garden 1.0, Blackberry 3.0 access was outside the firewall. This problem has been resolved. Access to Blackberry 3.x by the Firefox is expected to no longer be possible.
• All Blueberry systems (versions 1.x through 4.x) are now accessed via the Garden 2.0 system. There will no longer be access to these systems outside the firewall. Blueberry 1.x systems are expected to have small amounts of data output this year, thus needing protection via the RED Security System™. Output from versions 2.x through 4.x are not expected this year.
• There is an estimated capacity increase of approximately 40 percent. Initial estimates before the upgrade were nearer to 80 percent. However, Blackberry 3.0 systems and Blueberry 1.0 and 2.0 applications used up more space than was initially estimated. An additional estimated 55% increase of capacity over Garden 1.0 is expected with upgrade to Garden 3.0.
• You now may use all newly available capacity with the API.^[3]
• The Rational Rose Software is included in Garden 2.0 and is now behind the firewall. Maintenance of this software will have to occur via the approved GUI, though it is expected to display properly outside the firewall.

Unresolved/Known Issues

• Blackberry 2.1 and 2.2 systems and Grape 1.0 systems are still outside the firewall. They are also not protected by the RED Security System™. At this point in time, there are no plans to upgrade Garden to include Blackberry 2.1 and 2.2 users. The problem here is with the Tractor network that lies between Garden 2.0 and the Blackberry 2.x systems. It is not possible to allow access due to the Tractor network and its use of UDP.^[4]
• Due to the inclusion behind the firewall, it is expected that access to Blackberry 3.x systems will have increased latency. Measured latency during testing seems to be acceptable, though further latency testing should be done.
• Garden 2.0 is known to be accessible to gopher.
• The new capacity is may have some amount of weedly output due to random seeding.
• Strawberry 2.0 systems are not included behind the firewall and will not be included until the version 3.0 release of Garden. They are, however, covered by installation of the RED Security System™. This is known to diminish but not eliminate intrusions.

Migration Plan

• Garden 3.0 is expected to be released next year.
• Garden 3.0 upgrade requires removal of Tree 2.0. Tree 2.0 was expected to be removed this year. It was not removed, however due to the overabundance of log entries in the Firewood system. Every effort has been made to reduce these log entries in house. However, it is recommended that outside contractors be called in for analysis and removal of some of these log entries. It is unlikely in the forseeable future that we will be able to reduce the log entries in house. It is expected that most of these log entries occurred from use of the IKE protocol.
• Garden 3.0 upgrade also requires removal or distribution of Haybale 2.0.
• An investigation should be done to determine if a third GUI needs to be added to increase throughput. If there is any expected interface with the Tractor network, it will have to occur with a new GUI that has increased capacity.

Other Known Bugs

• cut worms
• june bug grubs
• grass hoppers
• aphids

References

1. Gate User Interface
2. Raccoon Electrocution Device
3. Appropriate planting interface
4. Unusually Dense Poundage

No appropriate title

I am reminded of a scene from Four Weddings and a Funeral. It's been a long time since I saw it so let the corrections to my adapted misquote go:

Sam was a bastard. He was sort of bitchy and always backtalked everything you said to him. But he was my bastard. He was my bastard in that, in a way, he was my first cat. Not the first cat in my life, but the first I ever really bonded with. Maybe it is symbolic of how much alike we were.

He'll be missed.

Y2K4TAX

oh cwap. You mean to tell me that my 9 year old Windows operating system that I use once a year for taxes is going to have to be replaced!?! (That's tongue in cheek, we all know a usable windows 2000 did not exist in the year 2000. Its probably only 7 or 8 years old.) Does it matter that I haven't had a job in 2 years and don't owe any taxes?

I demand Ubuntu Turbo Tax.

Holy Shitake

Background

Back in 2005, I grew a bunch of portabella mushrooms. Mmmm. Tasty fungus. The little buggers grew so fast that I should have done a time lapse on them.

Fast Forward to Summer 2008

Last summer, I got another wild hair and decided to grow shrooms again. No, dinglefoot, not that kind of shrooms, though I am sure there are a handful growing in the pasture across the road. I bought some shitake spores. They come as hardwood plugs impregnated with mushroom spores. Then you take a fresh oak log, drill holes all in it, hammer in the plugs and seal it with wax. I was not expecting any notable crop until spring.

Today

Imagine my surprise as I was going for my daily constitutional with the hell hounds. I glanced back at my custom made mushroom growing rack. (Surely this thing is big enough and sturdy enough that it could probably hold 3 full size canoes!)

What's that? A delicious baby fungus?

Didn't believe me?

For those that have never visited and doubt the validity of my profile location -- "In a metal shed in the woods" -- I offer you solid proof:



There she blows, complete with Ellie Mae's car, Sally the goat truck and a glimpse of Tilly the tractor. If you look hard enough you can even see the colored sheets placed over the plants in the garden to protect them from frost.

My buddy and college room mate JohnBob is in town. Back when we were room mates, I made him jealous by getting my private pilot's license. Now he often returns the favor by taking me putting around in his own damn plane. That dirty rotten bastard!

It almost sounds like the start of a great joke: What do 2 college educated, unemployed guys do instead of finding a job? Go flying. I gotta work on that punchline.

JohnBob has a sweet new radio stack.



You know there are too many lawyers on the planet when warning labels pronounce nothing but common sense. If you click on it, you can make it out, but let me spoil the surprise: "Caution: Leaking fuel caps can cause loss of fuel" REALLY? The saddest thing here is (a) this is probably there because someone didn't know that and died. (b) that person was smart enough to earn a pilot's license, but dumb enough not to know leaking fuel caps leak.
And because I know everyone on the planet shares the "joys of tractors" just the way I do: Here is the tractor store where I bought Tilly.
And another item from the wonderful and mysterious world of the tractor: The tractor auction. Sorry kids, this isn't auction weekend or the entire lot would be full to the brim with leaking, smoking, sick tractors with flat tires and worn out clutches. Grab some ether and get over there.And what tour of the city is complete without seeing "Jesus and the money lenders." Stop into the book store and purchase a T shirt or a big box of pamphlets. But hurry while the tiny struggling church only covers 10 acres. As you can see, it's about to double in size. Oh, and that building across the parking lot in the top right... yeah that's part of it too. It's okay they bulldozed all those houses. I am sure the property taxes from the church will be more than the city got from the houses.

I'm stumped, Part 3

Did you notice the subtle shift from "day 2" to "part 3" or did I get away with it? Several days of rain and a few days of slow starts (and only a couple hours working) made day 3 turn into multiple days. But I rein superior. The stump king has fallen.