I am totally busted.
According to this article, the funny hat wearing head of the Catholic church is cracking down on phony arbitrary visions of the slightly tarnished Mary like mine. (As opposed to the "real" visions of a 2000 year old dead figure who's actual existence is arguable in the first place.)
Some highlights from the article [with snarky comments]:
"In some cases exorcists will be used to determine if a credible apparition is 'divine' origin or 'demonic'." [This is of course, because exorcism is a scientifically proven method of ridding people or inanimate objects of scientifically proven demons.]
"The Pope is said to be deeply concerned by the explosion in the number of pseudo-mystics who, claiming a direct line to God, set themselves against the bishops and lure the Catholic faithful out of the Church and into cults." [...as compared to the real mystics with a direct line to god...]
"The third step will be to investigate the person’s level of education and to determine if they have had access to material that could be used to falsely support their claims." [So, just to be clear here: If said claimant was raised by abusive parents that kept them locked in a dark closet 24 hours a day, then it is possible the apparitions are real. If they have ever seen a television, newspaper or internet connection then they are automatically deemed to have access to material that could falsely support their claims. Suddenly a big dark cloud of logic surrounds the pope and he is defeated by his own argument.]
"It said that in many cases 'signs from heaven' were exposed as human trickery." [You are kidding me. The grilled cheese sandwich isn't really the holy mother's endorsement of dairy products? What about "blessed are the cheesemakers?"]